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The paramedics lift me effortlessly
and deep in an ocean of sleep
I swallow the tube.
My lungs fill,
my throat as red and raw
as my softly beating heart.
Breathe, breathe.
My lips exhale
as soft and pale
as baby's breath
on the white pillow
of the hospital.
Asleep in the deep and gentle
pull of a coma
stirring with the quiet whirr
of machines keeping
me alive.
My hands shake
and reach
weakly for the touch
of my family
breathe, breathe.
This is a very painful piece about my last hospitalisation. I was psychotic (due to type 1 bipolar disorder). I took an overdose and went into a coma. Machines kept me breathing until I breathed on my own. They said I was lucky to wake up at all, and very lucky to live without brain damage. I'm still trying to heal.

I hope I conveyed the hope I have here for recovery and a new life. I'm trying to face my illness with courage and face each day as a battle instead of looking ahead to much. It's a hard road, but I think I'm doing better. It's been almost three months now, and I'm trying to put my life back together. I'm back at uni, studying and I'm on new antipsychotics that work for the first time in six years.
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:iconsmadams:
SMAdams Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: One day at a time, no one can ask anything more.
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013
:hug:
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:iconsmadams:
SMAdams Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: :)
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:icontoaakatsuki:
ToaAkatsuki Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I sense pain, but this piece also seems.. soothing to me. Very powerful.
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2012
thank you :hug:
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:iconandrewzheng:
AndrewZheng Featured By Owner May 7, 2012  Student General Artist
What a grim story this poem tells. Getting help is not alway magical as kids romanticized, and is more likely by laying on a bed at a white room of your hospital cell, with tubes, pills and papers written about your conditions. I can imagine the loneliness and waste of time you feel from having a mental disorder, embittered by the fact it's keeping you from living life to the fullest unlike other people without mental problems.

Good job with this, I liked it. =)
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner May 7, 2012
thank you :hug: very true
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:iconandrewzheng:
AndrewZheng Featured By Owner May 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Hey, you're welcome. =)
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:iconalittlebitoffaith:
alittlebitoffaith Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012
I'm proud of u for telling this story .
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012
thank you :hug:
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:iconaaaaaaaaabb:
aaaaaaaaabb Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
proud of you for telling your story.... you're alive! i bet you'll save a life one day too if you haven't already by giving others hope that recovery is possible. you are being very brave :hug:
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2012
thank you :hug:
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:iconrhayvennite:
RhayvenNite Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I love your poems...

Not only the ability to instill and convey emotions, but the raw emotion behind it.

Most of your poems are hard for me to read. But I think this one takes the cake on that...

I'm glad you're still alive Ruby. And I'm glad you're okay..:hugsyoutight:
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2012
thank you :heart:
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:iconrhayvennite:
RhayvenNite Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome sweetie.
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:iconredsuzanne:
RedSuzanne Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Ahh.. Lamb. Gods, Child, you have ovaries! Proud as all get out, of you I am.
May they work for one hundred years!
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:iconevanisaransari:
EvaniSaransari Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012
:hug: this is such a powerful story, and i'm sorry you've had to go through this.. You can really give people hope of a chance at moving on with life.. Thank you
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
thank you very much :heart:
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:iconevanisaransari:
EvaniSaransari Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012
You're welcome :)
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:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012
Beautiful, I'm sorry to hear that story, but it's good that you survived it! I hope you recover well!
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
thank you :hug:
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:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
No prob!!!:hug:
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:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
:rose:
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:iconblackmoresrose:
blackmoresrose Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I agree with xJoeTheNinja, your words have a very powerful effect. They have a very sharp, defined edge which brings across a lot of pain, but also confusion. I've been in a few psychotic episodes myself, although I'm not diagnoised with Bipolar. The last time was a couple of weeks ago and I had a severe overdose like yourself. I was told a couple of days after that due to my hallucinations and psychosis, I thought a thermometer was a phone but also that one of the ambulances was a panda. I'm depression with severe suicidal idealation, and chronic insomnia. I'm glad to hear you're trying to face your illness. That does show a lot of bravery and so much courage inside of you, I don't think I'm at that stage yet to face what's really going on in my head and such however I wish you all the best on your journey. <3
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
thank you. I'm sorry that you go through psychosis as well, it's such a strange, disquieting experience. I've had a lot of very bizarre hallucinations. This time in hospital, apparently I thought my twin sister was a refrigerator. Thanks very much, I wish you the very best of wishes on your journey too :hug:
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:iconblackmoresrose:
blackmoresrose Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Don't be sorry, it's not your fault! It is! It's quite hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves. You're absolutely welcome, stay strong, m'dear.
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:iconxjoetheninja:
xJoeTheNinja Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
....wow. Everything you write is so powerful. :huggle:
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:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
thank you :heart:
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