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The hours are slow in the white corridors
but you are with me when the hands strike fear
and the clock whispers twelve.
You hear my voice echo down the halls
a half-empty ward
a clear glass of psychotropic drops.

You crush my ribs
and rob my lungs of tears.
You kiss my wrists
and strip the bone
The silver constellation of scars,
the scarlet mouth of screams
softened by the gentle murmurs
of bodies creased with love.

You breathe the poetry I cannot speak,
you hold the fragile shape of my skull
like a bruised eggshell
as the nurses hold me down

You feel it in your lungs
when the needle slides through,
and the drop of blood is yours too.

You feel the medicated sleep,
the sweet lull of seduction
as sedation pulls at the hull of my veins.
Long hours spent visiting your daughter
While doctors tell you she's insane.

You lie awake each night as the weeks pass
for me
and I feel it in my chest,
in each breath

The hurt I crease into the faces
of my sweet family.

I ache and I am hollow
but you slide words of love
into the deep of my marrow
I burn,
and you have never failed me.
A flawed, but deeply personal piece I wrote days after leaving the psychiatric ward. I spend six weeks in hospital because of a psychotic episode due to bipolar disorder.

I try to understand the pain and fear I cause my family every time I am hospitalised. They have told me they suffer with me, but I can't imagine them knowing it, I can't imagine other people loving me that way.

I know my family believes they have failed me, all the times they didn't understand. But they never have. It wasn't their fault, or their choice. Neither was it mine.

This was a very hard piece to write.

EDITED 1/11/2010.

original:

You hear my voice echo down the halls
a half-empty ward
a clear glass of psychotropic drops.
I bleed red words into a blue soul
of a quiet nurse at night
and hush tears beneath a pillowcase,
the silenced sobs of a mattress weeping beneath.

You crush my ribs
and rob my lungs of tears
you kiss my wrists
and strip the bone
the silver constellation of scars,
the scarlet mouth of screams
softened by the gentle murmurs
of bodies creased with love.

You breathe the poetry I cannot speak,
you hold the fragile shape of my skull
like a bruised eggshell
as the nurses hold me down
and you feel it in your lungs
when the injection needle slides through
and the drop of blood is yours too.

You feel the medicated sleep,
the sweet lull of seduction
as sedation pulls at the hull of my veins.
the hours are slow in the white corridors
but you are with me when the hands strike fear
and the clock whispers twelve.

You lie awake each night as the weeks pass
crying, soft, for me
and I feel it in my chest
in each breath
the hurt I crease into the faces
of you, my sweet family.

I ache and I am hollow
but you slide words of love
into the deep of my marrow
I burn
and you have never failed me.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsimran31:
simran31 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
this is so beautiful! keep up the amazing work !
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012
thank you :)
Reply
:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2012
I thought it was beautiful, and your family hasn't failed you, and you haven't failed them. :heart: And your other version was great too!
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012
thank you so much :hug:
Reply
:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012
:hug:
Reply
:iconmuse-7:
muse-7 Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is a very moving piece. I wish you all the luck on your road to recovery, and I congratulate you on your amazing talents! Well done, keep going! =)
Reply
:iconsiluriformes:
Siluriformes Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2011  Student General Artist
This is so incredibly beautiful - it wrenched on my heartstrings and I couldn't hold back the tears.

The relationship between my family and I is flawed enough as is, so I try keep my most vulnerable of my experiences, bipolar disorder ones especially, from them. I think it makes me appreciate what I read in your poem even more.
Reply
:iconmemnalar:
Memnalar Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2010
This is part of returning to the world and being in it, whole. The journey may never be over, but I'm happy for you for taking it.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2010
:heart: thanks
Reply
:iconcelestial-elevator:
celestial-elevator Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2010
I love the wording in this piece. It is very painful, but beautiful at the same time.
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010  Professional Photographer
:faint: wow, this is so incredibly painful yet beautiful.. I commend you for baring your soul to the world, for having the strength to share your story.. such a difficult journey, mental illness. I'm bipolar as well, with my own history of hospitalizations.. so reading this was especially heart-wrenching.. my heart goes out to you.. :tighthug:

Also, I requested your permission to add this piece to my group, #TouchedWithFire, a group I created that highlights the creativity of those affected by mental illness or addiction. If you'd like to participate in the group, I do hope you join! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2010
thank you for your lovely comment :hug: it made me tear up. I hope you're doing well with your own battle. I'd love to check out your group.
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2010  Professional Photographer
Thank you also for allowing your work to be displayed in our group, that really means a lot. :thanks:
I'm doing a lot better, the way I have to look at it sometimes when I get frustrated
is that any progress is good progress. :nod: I hope you are also doing well.. :hug:
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2010
you're right, progress, no matter how small, is progress. :hug:
Reply
:iconskyeconnelly:
skyeconnelly Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2010  Professional Photographer
:nod:
Reply
:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2010
:heart::heart:
Reply
:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2011
Your poem was eloquent in its first draft, but you have found a way to deepen that eloquence :heart:
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2010
:heart: :hug:
Reply
:iconrhayvennite:
RhayvenNite Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I always like to pretend I'm in my own little world, and nothing I do could ever effect those around me ...

It really does hurt hearing your Dad say he's cried himself to sleep at night, worrying whether or not he'd find his son awake in the morning, gently sleeping, or dead, and awaiting burial.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2010
my parents cry for me too. my dad told me that my mum used to throw up in the mornings, because she was so afraid she wouldn't find me alive.

It's so hard to see that kind of pain.

:hug: just remember that they cry because they love you so dearly.
Reply
:iconrhayvennite:
RhayvenNite Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
:huggle: I Know.

It hurts doing it to them, you know? BUt its so fucking hard to stop ...

Havent SIed in a week or more though =) My GF is helping ... God I love that girl >w<

As far as Ana goes though ... I dont know that I can stop that :/ Nor do I know I want to..
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010
You can stop, sweetie :hug:
I'm glad your girl is helping you :)
mine is very much helping me too.
Reply
:iconrhayvennite:
RhayvenNite Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
*Nods*

I hope ... Someday.

And yeah, she is very helpful =)
Reply
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
It is so difficult to watch others sometimes as they try to fully grasp what it is you are feeling, but I firmly believe that an enduring love can survive anything. Keep fighting honey. For you, for your loved ones - and for everything else that deeply matters to you.

You are always loved :heart:
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010
:heart: :heart:
Reply
:iconmidnightdiligo:
midnightdiligo Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010
This is beautiful, miss.

I don't find it surprising that they still love you.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010
thank you :hug:
Reply
:icontigerlilyvana:
TigerLilyvana Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2010   Writer
I can't explain just how much this poem touched me, but I want you to know that I understand what you've been through, and if you need someone to talk to, I am here.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010
thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:icontigerlilyvana:
TigerLilyvana Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010   Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconbloodstainaffiliate:
BloodStainAffiliate Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I think I may read this several times.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2010
that is such a lovely compliment :hug:
Reply
:iconbloodstainaffiliate:
BloodStainAffiliate Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I meant it. :)
Reply
:iconbloodstainaffiliate:
BloodStainAffiliate Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful. There's so much emotion in it, and the imagery is stunning. I loved this piece so much I can't even pick a favourite stanza. Great job dear.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconbloodstainaffiliate:
BloodStainAffiliate Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconjdrainville:
jdrainville Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2010
:rose:
Reply
:iconvampirexxxwitch:
vampirexXxwitch Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
This was a very amazing piece to read. It is heart wrenching; it is beautiful. It is tragic; it is hopeful. I'm very happy to have had the chance to read this poem.
Reply
:iconrosary0fsighs:
Rosary0fSighs Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2010
thank you dearly :heart:
Reply
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